


Scenes from a busy mind.

by PaleoM



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:47:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25578319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaleoM/pseuds/PaleoM
Summary: I've got scenes in my head and I've got to put them down somewhere, so I'm putting em here and hope to come back one day to put them together into a story.  I'm studying and working at present, so no time for a long while.  Hope they don't annoy you with no endings yet.  I do feel a Sterek coming on but not for a long time yet so read at your own risk.
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Kudos: 1





	Scenes from a busy mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Scenes from a scattered brain. I do feel a Sterek coming on, but not for a good while yet. Read at your own risk. Will add scenes as they appear in my brain.

“You’re a stupid sixteen year old boy, you don’t know anything about love, this, this is just a crush!”

That’s what he’d said, no shouted, at Stiles when he was brave enough to declare his ‘love’ for Derek. He’d often repeated it in his head, unable to reason why he kept replaying it. That little twinge of shame when he did making him wonder if maybe he’d been a little harsh, one might say a complete dick, but he always reasoned that at least he’d been clear, laid the truth out for Stiles, and he’d always nod his head in agreement with himself at the thought, the whole event shaking loose with it, until the next time it repeated across his brain, snagging sharply on his guilt once again.

Then, without realising it, he’d taken to shaking his head whenever the thought rose up again, like it was actively trying to get his attention. By the time he realised it wasn’t just fond exasperation of Stiles, and maybe it wasn’t guilt the thought was snagging on, but hope, Stiles had already saved his life numerous times, had already proved himself to be smart beyond his years, courageous beyond his capabilities, and a survivor beyond all probability. Even in his most secret thoughts Derek hadn’t admitted that the boy he dismissed at the beginning was now the boy he’d die to defend, if Stiles didn’t die defending him first. He’d catch the way Stiles looked at him sometimes, wonder at the fact it was never with fear, even now, and wonder sometimes if his declaration was still true, but even then he didn’t realise why he hoped it was.

It’s not till Stiles made eye contact with him that he realised, after he’d quickly looked away, that he’d been seeking him out in the crowd for a while now, that an uncomfortable unease settled in his sternum until he could see he was safe, but he thought it was because Stiles was pack, the weakest member by definition of not being a werewolf, unable to defend himself, even if he was the strongest in so many other ways, it’s still what Derek told himself.

By the time Derek realises it’s love, that this gangly kid who is the best of them, who should be Alpha and probably would be if he was a werewolf, that wormed his way under Derek’s skin when he wasn’t looking. Caring for Stiles is as natural as breathing, and although he can’t pinpoint when, he can easily see why he loves Stiles now, it seems so damn obvious. 

But then he is not the only one who made that mistake is he? Lydia didn’t notice him to start with, and even now Derek can’t help but wonder, uncharitably, if it’s more the fact he is so different to Jackson than it is for him being Stiles, but that’s irrelevant really, because notice or not, she realised a good thing before Derek did, and it’s here that Derek has to bite down to stop his wolf for roaring in her fragile face for touching his soulmate, for touching the man he loves.

One day he thinks he is going to have to rip off of his own limbs so he won’t reach for Stiles, won’t place a hand on the back of his neck to feel the abundance of life under his skin, pull him in against this body to feel how well he would fit, to run his hands over those subtle biceps, wonders if his thighs are becoming more defined with all the running he does. Most of all he knows he can’t lean in to that curve of the neck, can’t fill his lungs with the concentrated smell of Stiles, because he knows, he knows if he ever does that no force on earth will be able to stop him from sinking his teeth into the flesh and marking him, once he has him in his embrace, 

Derek knows he would never ever let go, and Derek knows he doesn’t have that right, doesn’t deserve that gift, because a long time ago he shouted at Stiles for not understanding the truth of it, when all along it was himself who didn’t understand. Derek is full of regrets, but while the others grow more distant with every passing day, this one feels heavier somehow, as he turns away once again.

If he ever finds out that Alan Deaton chose Lydia Martin to watch over Stiles under the waves of that deathly cold bath because of an irrational hatred of Derek, and because he wanted to distract the pack, it might just kill him. If he ever realises that the fox got through because Stiles wasn’t tethered as tightly as he should have been, didn’t have his soulmate looking over him like his two friends, if he realises his hands on Stiles skin would have kept everything at bay with the light of their love, it will definitely kill him, because Derek feels every failure as his failure.

So, Stiles watches, and doesn't reach out, and doesn’t sink into Derek’s safe embrace and tries not to notice how Derek’s honey coloured eyes now follow him around the room, or how his skin glistens in any light, how his reaction to Stiles has changed. Instead tells himself again he has everything he ever wanted as he pulls Lydia in against him, and tells himself she isn’t using him to get back at Jackson, just as he isn’t using her to protect Derek from what's to come.

He tries not to think how easy it would be to say the words I love you, Derek, just one more time, even though he says them inside his head a thousand times a day. Not that not saying them would make a difference, because he loves Derek either way, and he won’t let anyone hurt him again, not even himself. Stiles also knows, with every fibre of his being, that one day he’s going to kill Alan Deaton largely because of Alison, and because of all the almost and actual regrets that happened, all for a distraction, but mostly, most definitely, for Derek.

People know Stiles is clever, but they always seem to forget how smart, always a little too quick to remember him tripping over his shoelaces. Stiles is used to this, has never been bitter about it and had already become accustomed to it long before there were werewolves in his life. He finds it suits his purpose now, and he is smarter than anyone ever realised besides, and he will need every nuance of that intelligence because he knows what's coming. The fox took considerable joy in telling him everything about Alan Deaton, back when he thought Stiles would be a prisoner for an eternity, watching his loved ones die, back before a group of misfits in a little american town brought down a demon with over a thousand years of cunning. Overconfidence will kill you everytime, something else the fox taught him, so he’s waiting, biding his time, utilising the patience he has learnt at a cost he would never have paid, waiting for Alan Deaton to return to Beacon Hills so he can die for an eternity, while Stiles loved ones thrive. While Derek thrives, and breathes, and lives in spite of Alan Fucking Deaton.

And then I'm thinking the link to the next scene is that the first battle with Deaton fails, but it takes him to an AU where he discovers he's a spark and he comes back with magic to fight Deaton, whilst there this is a scene (still deciding if Derek is with him) .....

Derek reaches out and puts his hand over Stiles against the kitchen counter. Stiles pulls his hand sharply, before stopping and pulling it away slowly shaking his head sadly as Derek drops his eyes to the counter. 

“You don’t know….”Derek starts, before Stiles interrupts him gently, his voice heavy with sad understanding..

“No, no, I do know. The way people look at me, bittersweet, the way they look at you, so full of sadness, and I get it. I really do, but I’m not your Stiles, anymore than you’re my Derek. I get it, I could stay here and be with a Derek who loves me, but you’re not my Derek, you’re a copy and it wouldn’t be fair to either of you to pretend it doesn’t matter, when really it’s kind of everything,” Stiles shrugs in self depreciated sadness. “I know he doesn’t love me like you can, but he’s still MY Derek, and I’d rather be with my Derek who doesn’t love me like that, than with anyone else, because even if he doesn’t love me, I love him, my Derek, and I need to be there, to know he’s okay. I’m sorry.” Stiles takes another step backwards to emphasise the point, as one hand picks at invisible lint on the cuff of the other, his body language both wary and guilty as he looks at this Derek, who simply nods in firm agreement, like he already knew it would go this way. Stiles shrugs again, resigned, “Besides, even if I stayed they’d still be a ghost in the room, and you’d still love him more than me. Same as I would if our roles were reversed.”

Derek gives a painful bittersweet smile, “Too damn clever for your own good, you know that,” he laughs, it sounds like bones grating but Stiles smiles hard in return, an attempt to accept it and move on.

Derek nods hard, decisive, as he stands up tall, carrying the weight of failure on his broad shoulders, in that at least they are so similar Stiles wants to reach out and brush over the shoulders in an attempt to brush aside the load he carries, but he doesn't, because as familiar as it is, it’s not the same. And if he is truly like Derek it would slide back into place the moment he was gone.


End file.
